Rusty Tools

As a recovering quick fix chick, I'm dusting off all the tools I've purchased in the past to help me organize my life and reminding myself daily that the life I live today was not created overnight therefore cannot be fixed/changed overnight. It took years of neglect to get to the point I'm at now, but for years I was looking for the quick fix, miracle pill, the 5 minute movie montage where the lead actor goes from sad lonely mess to full success in life.

Delusional? Yes.
Am I alone in this thinking? I don't think so.

Trying to get everything perfectly done has been my downfall in the past. If it wasn't perfect, it wasn't done right, so I'd start feeling disappointed, stressed, disillusioned, and eventually chocked it up as another failure, never to be bothered with again. The problem with this is that things are never perfect, having a perfectionist attitude was self-sabotaging.

This is where the rusty tools come into play. I wanted to lose weight, for the reasons most people want to lose weight. To have more energy, be healthier, and of course to look great in that one goal outfit in your closet you've been saving for the big reveal. To aid me in my transformation I purchased P90X. I saw the infomercial, the inspirational stories and thought I want to do this.

The DVDs arrived and I threw myself into completely... for a little over a month and stopped. I saw some results but not the drastic amount I wanted to see. I allowed other distractions in my life to become excuses for why I couldn't do the workouts any longer. I didn't have time, it wasn't really working, I couldn't afford the food required for the "real" results. It's so easy to talk yourself out of things, especially when it's become a habit. Eventually I gained back the pounds lost and gained a bit more.

I wanted to get my home organized, found a great website The FlyLady, with all these organizational tools, tips, and tricks. I read the all the info posted and started right away on the schedule.... but I skipped what I know now to be the most important step. Take Baby-steps. I thought I could skip this and everything would go along much quicker. Wrong. All I ended up doing was overwhelming myself once again becoming a frazzled mess and if you haven't guessed it yet, I started feeling disappointed, stressed, disillusioned, and eventually chocked it up as another failure, never to be bothered with again.

This last tool I purchased was the one that was going to really help, really put things in motion and it did!
But like with anything, if you don't commit and practice what you've learned, you won't get the benefits. I had some life altering events occur and knew I needed guidance, something or someone to motivate me. I invested in the Tony Robbins Life Coach system. I listened for 30 days, got the momentum I needed to get things done and things were going pretty well until I allowed stress to interfere with my progress.

What's crazy about my behavior is that I know these things work when done. I have lost weight, I have organized my home, and I have made huge improvements in my life, so why haven't I stuck with it to create the life I want. Simple, I didn't believe I deserved it.

For whatever reason, I convinced myself of this and behaved accordingly. Regaining my confidence hasn't been easy, and like a muscle I've had to strengthen it a little more each day. I'm lucky to have the support of friends, family and especially my boys to help me through all this. I've learned how to love myself as much as my 3 sons love me, because in their eyes I'm not fat, socially awkward or an embarrassment, I'm beautiful, fun, a good cook, a bit crazy and the best mom.

Daily Reminders:

• Love yourself
• Use what you have
• Take babysteps
• Smile & Breathe