I can't believe its been 8 years.

Sometimes it catches me off guard when I'm at the store and I find myself looking at clothes you'll never wear, or the park and a little dark haired boy walks by, or just in general. I think of you. Of how you'd look all grown up. Your laugh. Your smile.

Most days I'm ok, but then there are days like today when the pain is just as fresh as the day I lost you.

I went to the cemetery today, and someone had left flowers. It made me think of all the people you never got a chance to know or them you. It breaks my heart all over again.

I don't cry or feel sorry for myself everyday, but I always remember you. Always.

Happy Birthday son, I love you.

Loss and Regrets

We've experienced a great deal of loss recently in our family. While all were loved and mourned, I don't think any of them affected me as the loss of Granny last week. I'm still in shock I think. It still feels surreal most of the time.

Even though she had a long life, it just doesn't feel like there was enough time. I'm sure no one ever feels life is long enough, but I think most of this was because she always lived long distance and time always seems to stand still when you don't see people everyday/frequently.

She was truly a unique person and despite her faults, she was always inspiring me. She was probably the one person that made me want to be a better person.Of all the regrets in my life, my biggest one will always be not taking the time to tell her how I felt before she passed. Letting disagreements and petty differences dictate the time I spent with the people I loved.

I'm sorry Granny, I love and miss you. Always. 

- Rosebud

It's me again

Well unfortunately I got sidetracked again. I am not sure it is so much sidetracked as allowing myself to become lost in my own chaos. Things change, disasters happen, this is life. I just have to learn how to deal with it without completely falling apart first.

Speaking of which, yesterday was a big day for The Mom. She went to an eye specialist in probably the best hospital in the state. The news was... not what we had hoped for. But we haven't started to despair quite yet. There isn't time for that I suppose.

Still so much to do, we're hopeful.